I am going to be real and raw with y’all for a minute. I struggle with friendships because I always feel like I am being a burden to someone. If I test you 20 times a day I feel like I am being annoying. When I am beyond excited and can only talk about what excites me because in my mind that is all that is flashing. Like oh hey this is new lets talk it to death. Or when I have an idea that I think is an awesome story to write about, business opportunity, this crazy full time RV life that we are building towards, or that my kid did something so cool to me. My mind just wants to talk about that and honestly when someone isn’t as excited as I am for the things happening I get kind of hurt. It’s like something inside of me tells me that I need to stop being so excited and so happy for what is happening in my life. So then I just get quiet and stop talking or texting someone. I don’t like to feel like I am a burden or unwanted. Which makes me feel like I am less than I really am and I don’t like feeling that way. I can walk away from people to never really contact them because I feel like me talking to them annoys them. So then I end up having no one to talk to or hang out with. I tell myself I would rather be alone than to be a burden to someone. My mind works in the weirdest ways. I am really working on being more involved in life in general. Like being out more. Doing more things with friends. Just being more alive. I like being by myself or with Alex or the kids. But when I look around sometimes I realize that sometimes I alienate myself to being a loner or from having some friendships I would really like to have. So I am working on that. It just takes time to make your brain no tell you horrible lies about yourself.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Friendship

    1. Thank you! I really do love meeting new people. Just sometimes my mind likes to make things up and make me feel horrible about myself.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s